But What if I don't WANT to be Compassionate right now...?

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32

So I was mulling over what to talk about today, and this is something that comes up on a very regular basis, especially when you are a parent: How do you channel God’s grace when you really just don’t feel like it?

We, as God’s children, are called to use God’s love and our savior Jesus Christ as an example, a gold standard of who to emulate on a daily basis, but for parents that’s not always that easy.  Everyone can be kind and gracious when they’re rested and unrushed.  Its four o’clock in the morning, when you’ve just finally drifted off to sleep after the 3:45am potty-run, and now they just want to thump on the wall next to their bed.  It’s when you’re late for work and there is a line of cars, when you’re trying to exit a parking lot and the person directly in front of you doesn’t want to budge for…whatever reason.  It’s when you’re in line at the cash machine and you keep looking at the clock because you know if you start dinner ten minutes late it’s going to throw everyone off their routine.

Wait…what was that word, routine?  People are, by and large, creatures of habit, we like things to follow a specific pattern, and take comfort in that pattern.  When that pattern is interrupted we get frustrated because we fear the consequences of changing that pattern.  Or, if it’s four o’clock in the morning, we are literally just too tired to function like a rational human being.  Our routine is broken and that upsets us.

Having our pattern changed throws us off of who we want to be.  We suffer under the pressure of the world around us, because if you take a step back, it is less about how that change up is affecting us directly, and more how it affects our interactions with others.  Our kids frustrate us when their schedule is thrown off, they’re either awake way too early or they are fussy as all get out because they’re hungry and don’t have the social, mental, or emotional maturity to address those feelings.  Who has to fix that?  Well, we as the parents do, so now we’re under more pressure. 

It’s when we just don’t feel like being compassionate that we absolutely need to bring it out of ourselves.  A quick prayer can sometimes do the trick, taking a second to take a deep breath and focus entirely at the problem at hand.  You may not get back to sleep right away, or at all.  You may not make it to work on time, or dinner might be ten minutes late, you probably aren’t going to re align your schedule back right away, but we need to be compassionate, forgiving and remember that nothing in life is perfect except for God’s love.  Again, this isn’t easy, but nothing about being a follower of Christ is. 

Further, everyone who has ever studied human interaction can tell you that if the parent is panicked and frustrated, the kids will follow suit very quickly.  That’s because we steer the ship that is our households, and if we are on edge and angry, then that is going to have a direct effect on the children.  Kids are basically a barometer for the “weather” of the household.  Want to find out if the household is functional?  Look at the kids.  If they are moody and on edge on a regular basis (not just from time to time as all kids are) then something may be amiss in the home.  That’s a good time to offer some help, find out if everything is okay, as clearly something significant is affecting the parents.  If you notice your friend who doesn’t have kids is on edge, they may need someone just to ask “How are you doing?” because they don’t feel they have anyone to talk to.  The short of it is that we don’t know how we can help those around us unless we actually ask.

Communication is the key to compassion and grace.  The person in front of you at the cash machine may be having some difficulty using it.  The person blocking the exit of the parking lot may be having some difficulty.  Your short tempered friend may just be tired and need some help.  But how does that help you, if you are the one offering the compassion.

When we offer compassion, God works through us, the Holy Spirit uses us to fulfil God’s will, and that actually has a massively calming effect on us.  We communicate with those around us, meet their needs, and we are calmer for it, because we understand that it wasn’t just someone trying to screw up our day, but rather someone we could actually help, or at least we have a better understanding of the situation.  When we make it to work or we get home, yes our routine is still thrown off, but we aren’t frustrated by it.  That calm we carry is then passed on to those around us and we calm the house or we calm our work place.  Kids deal with being off their schedule just fine, when everyone is calm and cool about it.

Back to 4am, staying has the same affect.  We may still be tired, but we aren’t burning energy we don’t have on frustration, we are at an even level and can maintain ourselves throughout the day a little better.  Staying calm lets the children also know that everything is fine, and they may actually fall back to sleep because of it.

Also, parents…tag team.  God arranged it to where there are two of you, help each other.  Case in point, let’s says one of you has to get to work that morning, but you don’t leave until say…7:15, 7:20am.  You both get up; you get ready while the other stays with the child, then when you are ready, tag the other parent out so they can get back to sleep.  You’re already awake, dressed and ready to go.  Then at 7:15, the other parent has gotten some more sleep and will be better prepared to take over.

Cooperation, communication, compassion, grace, all of these things come from God and work towards making our lives better.